Today was spent in its entirety at two different hospitals, getting x-rays and CT scans of every bone in Aaron's body. The problem is in his foot, but they scanned his entire self anyhow. He is radio-active for the next two days.
Our technicians were a man from Russia and a woman who I believe had eastern Indian roots. They were hysterically funny.
We returned after a 3 to 4 hour wait while the nuclear material spread through his body, and mentioned that we had breakfast at Panera. Our Russian tech asked if we liked the "onion French." The way he spun his words around was reminiscent of a portion of Henry Rollin's Spoken Word.
The other tech told several stories of the funniest things he's said, which he was laughing about harder than anyone. The best story of all:
P: So Gregory, what did you do back in Russia?
G: I was a delivery man.
P. What did you deliver? Pizza? Mail?
G: Babies.
Gregory is actually a physician in Russia, but his credentials are not recognized here in the United States. So he runs a scanning machine and reads books written in Russian every day, and appears to have an excellent time doing it.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Meme that isn't about me - from Dooce dot com
About my better half:
What are your middle names? My middle name is Elaine. My mother has since stated that she wished she would have spelled it “Alaine” because that’s how we all say it. Aaron's middle name is Shawn. Do you think he might be Irish?
How long have you been together? We’ve been married for 3 years this coming May, and we’ve been together (this time) for 7 years.
How long did you know each other before you started dating? I met him on June 16th, 1992 in the early afternoon. I fell in love with him the minute I saw him. We met up later that night, and we were inseparable for the 9 days between the day we met and the day he drove away to attend college in the south. That was the beginning of quite a history.
Who asked whom out? We have completely different versions of this story.
My version: He walked past me outside a store on his way out for his lunch break. Our eyes met, we noticed each other, that was it. 10 minutes later, he returned and re-entered the store with a bag of Taco Bell. We noticed each other again, and I thought he was very cute. Since he obviously worked in that particular store, I wandered in there and hung out until he came around and noticed me. He struck up a conversation about water skis. After a few minutes of chatting, he offered me his pager number. (Remember folks, this was 1992. The pager was a very cool thing back then. Cellular phones came in bags, weighed 45 lbs., and nobody could afford them.) I called him later that day, and we made plans to meet up. It was he who offered the number and asked me to call, and it was he who suggested we meet up that night. So I say he asked me out.
His version: “She picked me up in a parking lot.”
How old are each of you? I'm 33, he's 36.
Whose siblings do you see the most? Mine.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Hmmm. It was always about time. We never had enough time together. We spent most of our marriage living in separate states throughout every week and getting together on the weekends. It was never easy or often even possible to get any vacation time together. We must have passed the test, because all that has finally changed. He found a job close to home, his schedule is enviable, he works only 1 mile from home, and has every other Friday off. I’m home 24/7 right now.
Now that time is not an issue, I’d say the challenges of being a foster parent to teenaged kids who don’t come from very nice backgrounds and need a LOT of work is the most stressful component. But it’s still a labor of love, even when it gets stressful.
The one thing that isn’t ever stressful is money. We do not fight about money. We never have, and hopefully never will. Whether we have any or not, we just don’t fight about it. This is so important to me.
Did you go to the same school? Not at all. Until now. I went to CMU, and he’s now attending CMU.
Are you from the same home town? No. But close… I grew up in Warren, and he grew up in Southfield.
Who is smarter? I look at it as equal. Aaron would probably say I’m smarter, but I don’t believe that it’s so simple. We are intelligent in different ways. The part of him I fell in love with the fastest was his mind, and the part of him that a piece of me stayed in love with for years and years and years was his mind. We can talk about anything for hours and never run out of conversation or lose interest.
Who is the most sensitive? This is hard. I would bet it’s Aaron. But neither of us are overly sensitive.
Where do you eat out most as a couple? When we are running crazy and need to grab food fast, it’s unfortunately at one of the local chains like Chili’s or B-Dubs. We don’t prefer this food though. It becomes a matter of convenience when we end up there. If we plan to eat out on a date, my favorite is Sweet Lorraine’s. We also go to Mongolian BBQ often because it’s easy and healthy.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?Cocoa Beach, Florida. Oddly, for various reasons, most of our travel since we’ve been married has been separate. This is a bummer. We still haven’t even had a honeymoon.
Who has the craziest exes?Oh gosh, definitely me. But whereas I have but one nutty ex that is off the charts, he has many exes that were just slightly wacky. In the end we’re almost even.
Who has the worst temper? Our tempers are different. He has a quicker temper, but milder. So he gets angry faster, but not as intense. I have patience from here to China, but when I get to the end of the line, it’s ugly. His temper manifests itself with either extreme withdrawal and silence, or heavy sarcasm. Mine manifests in long talks to explain the situation in detail and formulate a fix.
Who does the cooking? I do! But, Aaron is far better at it. He’s cooked in two different five-star restaurants, and is an amazing chef. He makes the best chicken cordon bleu you’ll ever taste. And our Christmas dinner every year is all his doing too. I do all the cooking now because I’m home to do it. When we both work, we share everything and go out often.
Who is the neat-freak? Neither. Life is too short to be freaky about neatness. We both prefer things clean and organized, but if I go two weeks before laundering clothes or dishes pile in the sink for a couple days, neither of us care. Right now, Aaron just got a new Jeep, so he’s funny about making sure nothing is left in it after each ride. Give him two months maximum and that will be over with. The one exception to all of this is with our workplaces. We are both rather neat-freaks at work. (Especially Aaron – he’s probably neater at work than I am.) Home is where we relax.
Who is more stubborn? I’d have to say he is, overall, but I’m my share of stubborn too.
Who hogs the bed? Neither. We sleep in a ball. We could have just bought a twin bed and saved the money we spent on a queen-sized bed.
Who wakes up earlier? He does. As soon as the alarm clock makes noise, he is coherent and alert. Throughout my childhood, my parents used to have fun counting how many times my alarm clock would ring before I’d get up and shut it off. When I did, I honestly thought it had only rang twice. I would sleep through a nuclear attack. However, let a baby cry two doors down, and I hear it. Don’t ask me how. I have no babies. But I’ll wake up if a child makes noise.
Where was your first date? Either when we each brought a friend along and met in downtown Royal Oak to walk around and see where we ended up, or it was to the movies to see Batman. (Depending on what your personal definition of “date” is.)
Who is more jealous? Neither. I don’t think either of us has a jealous bone in our respective bodies, and this is one of the reasons we fit together so well. I don’t think either of us is capable of being happy with a jealous mate. It’s suffocating to either of us. He would probably tolerate it better than I would.
How long did it take to get serious? This is a hard one to answer. The simple answer would be 10 years. But it’s far more complicated than that.
Who eats more? I eat more at one time, but he eats more overall. We can sit down to breakfast and he will eat half of his, I’ll eat ¾ if not all of mine. I will be full until dinnertime, but he will be eating again in an hour.
Who does the laundry? Me. By choice. He does not watch for stains to be pre-treated, or pay attention to whether or not those stains have come out in one washing before hurling the garments into the dryer, no matter what they are made of.
Who's better with the computer? Definitely Aaron. He does the vast majority of his design work on a computer attached to multiple monitor screens, so he can multi-task. He actually takes the time to do the clean up & defrag sort of thing. I want to turn it on, do my business, and then leave it and go see people. I would say that (when I was working) I spent only half or less time on the computer. The other half was in meetings, on the phone, in customer offices or plants, and on the road. He has suggested I consider his line of work, and the specific reason I would not is that I could not sit and stare at a tube for that many hours each week without needing a stay in a padded room.
Who drives when you are together? It’s really a split, but I’d say I drive the majority of the time. It depends on which car we take. He drives his truck, I drive my car. The one exception to this rule is the frequent occasion that he becomes intolerant of me critiqueing his driving (the man cannot merge…) and he’ll just ask me to drive to save him the trouble of hearing me nag.
What are your middle names? My middle name is Elaine. My mother has since stated that she wished she would have spelled it “Alaine” because that’s how we all say it. Aaron's middle name is Shawn. Do you think he might be Irish?
How long have you been together? We’ve been married for 3 years this coming May, and we’ve been together (this time) for 7 years.
How long did you know each other before you started dating? I met him on June 16th, 1992 in the early afternoon. I fell in love with him the minute I saw him. We met up later that night, and we were inseparable for the 9 days between the day we met and the day he drove away to attend college in the south. That was the beginning of quite a history.
Who asked whom out? We have completely different versions of this story.
My version: He walked past me outside a store on his way out for his lunch break. Our eyes met, we noticed each other, that was it. 10 minutes later, he returned and re-entered the store with a bag of Taco Bell. We noticed each other again, and I thought he was very cute. Since he obviously worked in that particular store, I wandered in there and hung out until he came around and noticed me. He struck up a conversation about water skis. After a few minutes of chatting, he offered me his pager number. (Remember folks, this was 1992. The pager was a very cool thing back then. Cellular phones came in bags, weighed 45 lbs., and nobody could afford them.) I called him later that day, and we made plans to meet up. It was he who offered the number and asked me to call, and it was he who suggested we meet up that night. So I say he asked me out.
His version: “She picked me up in a parking lot.”
How old are each of you? I'm 33, he's 36.
Whose siblings do you see the most? Mine.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Hmmm. It was always about time. We never had enough time together. We spent most of our marriage living in separate states throughout every week and getting together on the weekends. It was never easy or often even possible to get any vacation time together. We must have passed the test, because all that has finally changed. He found a job close to home, his schedule is enviable, he works only 1 mile from home, and has every other Friday off. I’m home 24/7 right now.
Now that time is not an issue, I’d say the challenges of being a foster parent to teenaged kids who don’t come from very nice backgrounds and need a LOT of work is the most stressful component. But it’s still a labor of love, even when it gets stressful.
The one thing that isn’t ever stressful is money. We do not fight about money. We never have, and hopefully never will. Whether we have any or not, we just don’t fight about it. This is so important to me.
Did you go to the same school? Not at all. Until now. I went to CMU, and he’s now attending CMU.
Are you from the same home town? No. But close… I grew up in Warren, and he grew up in Southfield.
Who is smarter? I look at it as equal. Aaron would probably say I’m smarter, but I don’t believe that it’s so simple. We are intelligent in different ways. The part of him I fell in love with the fastest was his mind, and the part of him that a piece of me stayed in love with for years and years and years was his mind. We can talk about anything for hours and never run out of conversation or lose interest.
Who is the most sensitive? This is hard. I would bet it’s Aaron. But neither of us are overly sensitive.
Where do you eat out most as a couple? When we are running crazy and need to grab food fast, it’s unfortunately at one of the local chains like Chili’s or B-Dubs. We don’t prefer this food though. It becomes a matter of convenience when we end up there. If we plan to eat out on a date, my favorite is Sweet Lorraine’s. We also go to Mongolian BBQ often because it’s easy and healthy.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?Cocoa Beach, Florida. Oddly, for various reasons, most of our travel since we’ve been married has been separate. This is a bummer. We still haven’t even had a honeymoon.
Who has the craziest exes?Oh gosh, definitely me. But whereas I have but one nutty ex that is off the charts, he has many exes that were just slightly wacky. In the end we’re almost even.
Who has the worst temper? Our tempers are different. He has a quicker temper, but milder. So he gets angry faster, but not as intense. I have patience from here to China, but when I get to the end of the line, it’s ugly. His temper manifests itself with either extreme withdrawal and silence, or heavy sarcasm. Mine manifests in long talks to explain the situation in detail and formulate a fix.
Who does the cooking? I do! But, Aaron is far better at it. He’s cooked in two different five-star restaurants, and is an amazing chef. He makes the best chicken cordon bleu you’ll ever taste. And our Christmas dinner every year is all his doing too. I do all the cooking now because I’m home to do it. When we both work, we share everything and go out often.
Who is the neat-freak? Neither. Life is too short to be freaky about neatness. We both prefer things clean and organized, but if I go two weeks before laundering clothes or dishes pile in the sink for a couple days, neither of us care. Right now, Aaron just got a new Jeep, so he’s funny about making sure nothing is left in it after each ride. Give him two months maximum and that will be over with. The one exception to all of this is with our workplaces. We are both rather neat-freaks at work. (Especially Aaron – he’s probably neater at work than I am.) Home is where we relax.
Who is more stubborn? I’d have to say he is, overall, but I’m my share of stubborn too.
Who hogs the bed? Neither. We sleep in a ball. We could have just bought a twin bed and saved the money we spent on a queen-sized bed.
Who wakes up earlier? He does. As soon as the alarm clock makes noise, he is coherent and alert. Throughout my childhood, my parents used to have fun counting how many times my alarm clock would ring before I’d get up and shut it off. When I did, I honestly thought it had only rang twice. I would sleep through a nuclear attack. However, let a baby cry two doors down, and I hear it. Don’t ask me how. I have no babies. But I’ll wake up if a child makes noise.
Where was your first date? Either when we each brought a friend along and met in downtown Royal Oak to walk around and see where we ended up, or it was to the movies to see Batman. (Depending on what your personal definition of “date” is.)
Who is more jealous? Neither. I don’t think either of us has a jealous bone in our respective bodies, and this is one of the reasons we fit together so well. I don’t think either of us is capable of being happy with a jealous mate. It’s suffocating to either of us. He would probably tolerate it better than I would.
How long did it take to get serious? This is a hard one to answer. The simple answer would be 10 years. But it’s far more complicated than that.
Who eats more? I eat more at one time, but he eats more overall. We can sit down to breakfast and he will eat half of his, I’ll eat ¾ if not all of mine. I will be full until dinnertime, but he will be eating again in an hour.
Who does the laundry? Me. By choice. He does not watch for stains to be pre-treated, or pay attention to whether or not those stains have come out in one washing before hurling the garments into the dryer, no matter what they are made of.
Who's better with the computer? Definitely Aaron. He does the vast majority of his design work on a computer attached to multiple monitor screens, so he can multi-task. He actually takes the time to do the clean up & defrag sort of thing. I want to turn it on, do my business, and then leave it and go see people. I would say that (when I was working) I spent only half or less time on the computer. The other half was in meetings, on the phone, in customer offices or plants, and on the road. He has suggested I consider his line of work, and the specific reason I would not is that I could not sit and stare at a tube for that many hours each week without needing a stay in a padded room.
Who drives when you are together? It’s really a split, but I’d say I drive the majority of the time. It depends on which car we take. He drives his truck, I drive my car. The one exception to this rule is the frequent occasion that he becomes intolerant of me critiqueing his driving (the man cannot merge…) and he’ll just ask me to drive to save him the trouble of hearing me nag.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Simple Things
This morning I opened a new gallon of milk for coffee. (I don't like cream in my coffee - only milk.) I pulled off the plastic ring and gave it to the cats to bat around for awhile. They were so happy. You'd think I'd given them a piece of cat heaven.
I think my life is similar to theirs these days. My plastic ring is a cup of hot coffee or a chance to sit and get my head together. A 14 year old car in the driveway so I can run to the store during the day if I need to. An opportunity to make plans to meet up with an old friend. Some of these plastic rings I went without for a long time.
The foster kid reported some concern with her brakes today. Specifically that she had a very hard pedal that was going all the way to the floor. She announced she wanted to take the car in and get them looked at. Relevant details: this car was purchased from a licensed mechanic who had been driving it himself, owned the car for 15 years, and had every single receipt for all parts purchased and externally hired work done on the car. He was seriously meticulous to the point of being anal, which is a very nice situation for someone who is buying a car from him. Also, I was in the car recently, and I know it stops fine.
However, she has the money, and is in a very nice situation with regard to finances. I told her the odds were that she needed her rear brakes adjusted based on the whole description she gave me as to what was "wrong." We're working on building her confidence, her consumer savvy, and independence. This means I am not insisting to be in charge and run the show for her anymore. This also means that every last situation is a bigger pain in the rear than if I were running the show.
She announces a bit later in the morning that she wants to take the car to Bell Tire. I tell her (for at least the second time) that Bell Tire is not the best choice for brake inspection. As usual, she does not listen. She begins to argue with me about all the reasons she should go to Bell Tire, and I stop her mid-sentence and tell her to take the car anywhere she wants to go for inspection.
Every intuition tells me this will be a repeat of the recent battery situation. We told her that her battery only had maybe a year of life left, so she should consider replacing it or just paying attention to various clues that it was dying. I gave her the whole explanation of how long they last, etc. etc. So she decides to run out and price batteries. I tell her where to go. She goes elsewhere, and calls in hysterics because they even ran a REPORT on her battery, and concluded that she only had TWO or THREE more starts before it DIED. And, they couldn't even run the REPORT without charging the battery FIRST. Give me a break. The poor girl, it's as if she runs into a repair shop with the word "naive" written on her forehead. However, the price for the battery was reasonable, the warranty was the same as the two places I'd have chosen to buy from, and installation was included. So despite my disagreement with this whole report fiasco and the advice of these "experts," it wasn't a bad place to buy a new battery from. Interestingly, after the battery had been installed, the technician brought the car around to the front parking lot and parked it. When she got inside to drive away after paying, the car wouldn't start. The battery had come unhooked in the time it took to drive around the building. They openly admitted that something wasn't done properly, and assured her they'd fix it. This fell right in line with my explanation to her earlier about why I'd go to store A or store B for a car battery, and why you don't go to an Italian restaurant for tacos. She came home that day with her new battery in her car, and we sat and talked to her about the sales tactics. She argued, and seemed to believe that we were just untrusting of the sales people. A couple days later, her therapist came for our in-home session and she told him of the battery story. He laughed harder than we had and gave her the same response we had. It was reinforcement, but she never learns anything the easy way, and I could have told you that very day that she'd live through it all at least twice more before she learned her lesson.
Anyway, back to the present. Twenty minutes later, I get an odd number appear on my phone, which I ignore because I am in the middle of reviewing a source for a research paper. Two minutes after that, my husband calls to inform me that Bell Tire is calling him directly for authorization to work on the foster kid's car. I knew what happened before hearing anything more. Unqualified people looked at the car and decided the car needed all new everything, gave a ridiculous quote, put pressure on the foster kid, and because she was in a position where she didn't feel stepping away to make calls on her own and ask questions, she told them to do it. It was her way of passing the buck.
That is precisely what happened.
They told her she needed new calipers, rotors, pads, etc. etc. etc. Which sometimes can be the case, but I knew it was not the case presently for this vehicle. And also as expected, they told her she had no back brakes at all, and should not move the car out of their shop without repair. Yes, this is the same shop that told her she should not leave their shop without a new battery or after two or three more starts, it would be DEAD and she would be STRANDED. On both occasions she went to this particular store because the location is very close to home and easy to pull in and out of. It's on her route to and from work, so she's comfortable with that road. She's still a bit squirrelly about finding businesses and having to turn left to get either in or out of the parking lots. She's had a license for about a month, so this is not unreasonable. But it is something she has to work through and get past.
Aaron had told her to get her butt and her car home, and quit taking the car to tire shops for brake inspections.
She came home, I told her to realize that what actually happened is exactly what I warned her of only moments before, and she could have saved time and energy by listening instead of being so dead set on ignoring logic. We reviewed for the billionth time the basics of car repair and maintenance basics. I told her to go to the small shop around the corner that was well known and reputable, or to Midas a few miles further. We discussed once again how to present yourself, what to say, what not to say, and what to ask.
The small shop took her right in a short while later, and quoted her new pads for the back, which were considerably worn but working, and a new caliper slide on one side. She calls me to inform me of the quoted price, but cannot tell me what the price includes. I make her go verify what the shop intends to fix/replace with that quote, and she is frustrated. She explains that the guy told her everything once, she just didn't pay attention and understand it. I ask her if she intends to just give each and every repair shop money over the next several years with no information on what's being fixed. She is silent for a minute, and then goes off to verify what needs to be done. Her description comes back clear and reasonable, and the price is fair for the work. It's a fraction of the tire shop's quote, as expected.
It's not easy to start stepping back and letting her deal with these things more independently. She doesn't present herself in a way that keeps her safe from being taken advantage of. But I figure if I don't nudge her to learn along the way, she'll never be able to handle it. So in the end, maybe she paid $50 more than I would have, and maybe she's buying two slides when she only needs one. But, she's learning. And I'm not going to be around to take her car to the brake shop twice a year indefinitely.
And a few minutes later, I realized, taking her car to the brake shop and making her own arrangements is probably her orange plastic ring right now. The littlest parts of independent living that she's gaining, but never believed completely that she'd have. The simple things.
I think my life is similar to theirs these days. My plastic ring is a cup of hot coffee or a chance to sit and get my head together. A 14 year old car in the driveway so I can run to the store during the day if I need to. An opportunity to make plans to meet up with an old friend. Some of these plastic rings I went without for a long time.
The foster kid reported some concern with her brakes today. Specifically that she had a very hard pedal that was going all the way to the floor. She announced she wanted to take the car in and get them looked at. Relevant details: this car was purchased from a licensed mechanic who had been driving it himself, owned the car for 15 years, and had every single receipt for all parts purchased and externally hired work done on the car. He was seriously meticulous to the point of being anal, which is a very nice situation for someone who is buying a car from him. Also, I was in the car recently, and I know it stops fine.
However, she has the money, and is in a very nice situation with regard to finances. I told her the odds were that she needed her rear brakes adjusted based on the whole description she gave me as to what was "wrong." We're working on building her confidence, her consumer savvy, and independence. This means I am not insisting to be in charge and run the show for her anymore. This also means that every last situation is a bigger pain in the rear than if I were running the show.
She announces a bit later in the morning that she wants to take the car to Bell Tire. I tell her (for at least the second time) that Bell Tire is not the best choice for brake inspection. As usual, she does not listen. She begins to argue with me about all the reasons she should go to Bell Tire, and I stop her mid-sentence and tell her to take the car anywhere she wants to go for inspection.
Every intuition tells me this will be a repeat of the recent battery situation. We told her that her battery only had maybe a year of life left, so she should consider replacing it or just paying attention to various clues that it was dying. I gave her the whole explanation of how long they last, etc. etc. So she decides to run out and price batteries. I tell her where to go. She goes elsewhere, and calls in hysterics because they even ran a REPORT on her battery, and concluded that she only had TWO or THREE more starts before it DIED. And, they couldn't even run the REPORT without charging the battery FIRST. Give me a break. The poor girl, it's as if she runs into a repair shop with the word "naive" written on her forehead. However, the price for the battery was reasonable, the warranty was the same as the two places I'd have chosen to buy from, and installation was included. So despite my disagreement with this whole report fiasco and the advice of these "experts," it wasn't a bad place to buy a new battery from. Interestingly, after the battery had been installed, the technician brought the car around to the front parking lot and parked it. When she got inside to drive away after paying, the car wouldn't start. The battery had come unhooked in the time it took to drive around the building. They openly admitted that something wasn't done properly, and assured her they'd fix it. This fell right in line with my explanation to her earlier about why I'd go to store A or store B for a car battery, and why you don't go to an Italian restaurant for tacos. She came home that day with her new battery in her car, and we sat and talked to her about the sales tactics. She argued, and seemed to believe that we were just untrusting of the sales people. A couple days later, her therapist came for our in-home session and she told him of the battery story. He laughed harder than we had and gave her the same response we had. It was reinforcement, but she never learns anything the easy way, and I could have told you that very day that she'd live through it all at least twice more before she learned her lesson.
Anyway, back to the present. Twenty minutes later, I get an odd number appear on my phone, which I ignore because I am in the middle of reviewing a source for a research paper. Two minutes after that, my husband calls to inform me that Bell Tire is calling him directly for authorization to work on the foster kid's car. I knew what happened before hearing anything more. Unqualified people looked at the car and decided the car needed all new everything, gave a ridiculous quote, put pressure on the foster kid, and because she was in a position where she didn't feel stepping away to make calls on her own and ask questions, she told them to do it. It was her way of passing the buck.
That is precisely what happened.
They told her she needed new calipers, rotors, pads, etc. etc. etc. Which sometimes can be the case, but I knew it was not the case presently for this vehicle. And also as expected, they told her she had no back brakes at all, and should not move the car out of their shop without repair. Yes, this is the same shop that told her she should not leave their shop without a new battery or after two or three more starts, it would be DEAD and she would be STRANDED. On both occasions she went to this particular store because the location is very close to home and easy to pull in and out of. It's on her route to and from work, so she's comfortable with that road. She's still a bit squirrelly about finding businesses and having to turn left to get either in or out of the parking lots. She's had a license for about a month, so this is not unreasonable. But it is something she has to work through and get past.
Aaron had told her to get her butt and her car home, and quit taking the car to tire shops for brake inspections.
She came home, I told her to realize that what actually happened is exactly what I warned her of only moments before, and she could have saved time and energy by listening instead of being so dead set on ignoring logic. We reviewed for the billionth time the basics of car repair and maintenance basics. I told her to go to the small shop around the corner that was well known and reputable, or to Midas a few miles further. We discussed once again how to present yourself, what to say, what not to say, and what to ask.
The small shop took her right in a short while later, and quoted her new pads for the back, which were considerably worn but working, and a new caliper slide on one side. She calls me to inform me of the quoted price, but cannot tell me what the price includes. I make her go verify what the shop intends to fix/replace with that quote, and she is frustrated. She explains that the guy told her everything once, she just didn't pay attention and understand it. I ask her if she intends to just give each and every repair shop money over the next several years with no information on what's being fixed. She is silent for a minute, and then goes off to verify what needs to be done. Her description comes back clear and reasonable, and the price is fair for the work. It's a fraction of the tire shop's quote, as expected.
It's not easy to start stepping back and letting her deal with these things more independently. She doesn't present herself in a way that keeps her safe from being taken advantage of. But I figure if I don't nudge her to learn along the way, she'll never be able to handle it. So in the end, maybe she paid $50 more than I would have, and maybe she's buying two slides when she only needs one. But, she's learning. And I'm not going to be around to take her car to the brake shop twice a year indefinitely.
And a few minutes later, I realized, taking her car to the brake shop and making her own arrangements is probably her orange plastic ring right now. The littlest parts of independent living that she's gaining, but never believed completely that she'd have. The simple things.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Memory Lane Monday
Someone who crossed my mind this past week was an old supervisor. In high school, I worked for a jewelry story. Not a glamorous jewelry store with gorgeous lights. Certainly not a jewelry story with blue boxes. Nope. This was the little inset area inside Sam's Club. If you don't remember, I can give you enough information to have a fairly good visual. Imagine a large warehouse selling items in bulk, and serving mostly small and large business owners. Now you've got the surrounding area set. Now take a few jewelry cases and arrange them in a rectangle. Leave an opening for a swinging door and a cash register on a stand with a safe underneath it. Make one jewelry case full of perfume. Litter the tops of the jewelry cases with sunglass rounders and plastic signs. There we are. Now you understand where I worked. I hate to just say "jewelry store," and have anybody mislead. It wasn't your average jewelry store.
I loved this job. I really loved it. The customers were regular people from all walks of life. Because we were right inside the gate opening to enter the main part of the store, we saw everyone who came in, and came to recognize a few regulars. I also had the pleasure of working with my best friend at the time. Sundays were especially fun, because we worked together from open until close, and often got Papa Romano's for lunch. Pasta salad and bread to share. We could eat like that back then and not look like whales.
Our supervisor was Karen. She was a no-nonsense woman who dressed to the nines. She was always put together. Her son never came in to the store that I remember, but we knew so much about him that I felt like we knew him. Except, we didn't know his real name. She called him Buddha. He allegedly earned this name as a baby, and even at 17 had not outgrown it.
Karen is one of two people who affected my career path more than any others. She left the "jewelry store" to take a job in a far more high-end retail location with more money, more opportunity, and less warehouse dust. She told me I was the hardest worker she'd ever known in all her years, and the minute she got established, she called me in for an interview. I followed her to an anchor retail store at Somerset before any north mall or SkyWalk existed. That job funded college, a down payment on a home, and the best time of my life.
I would have never in a million years at that time thought I'd be considered for a position like that. I'd have never applied, or even asked if they were hiring. If it weren't for Karen's encouragement, I'd have spent many more early college years working in a small rectangle inside a warehouse, and my student loans today would be much bigger than they are.
I have tried to find Karen over the years, but have never been successful. I didn't stay in her department long. Not even three months. Store management offered me a job one floor upwards, which is very much a hierarchical thing in that industry. I sat with Karen and discussed what had been offered to me. I felt like I was betraying her by leaving. She told me she didn't even want to hear about it - if I didn't take that job, she'd be very disappointed. So I did, and I was glad. After two months I held the second highest sales in the department, working with people who had been doing that job for as long as 30 years.
That job taught me far more than how to sell things effectively or how to be competitive and still maintain friendships. (Which is a tedious balance in that environment.) I began to understand how people live differently in the world based on "class," culture, nationality, religion, etc. I learned about Jewish holidays, and customary gifts. I learned that you get better service running to the local mom & pop shop engraver to have something serviced than if you mail it to a larger vendor. I learned how shipping companies work. I learned a thing or two about effective displays. I learned just how bored wealthy stay-at-home moms are when they have people hired to do every job they'd traditionally do on their own.
I saw Karen here and there while working, but eventually she left for another opportunity. Unfortunately, I didn't know about it until she was already gone. I haven't seen her since, but I think of her often and hope our paths cross in the future.
I loved this job. I really loved it. The customers were regular people from all walks of life. Because we were right inside the gate opening to enter the main part of the store, we saw everyone who came in, and came to recognize a few regulars. I also had the pleasure of working with my best friend at the time. Sundays were especially fun, because we worked together from open until close, and often got Papa Romano's for lunch. Pasta salad and bread to share. We could eat like that back then and not look like whales.
Our supervisor was Karen. She was a no-nonsense woman who dressed to the nines. She was always put together. Her son never came in to the store that I remember, but we knew so much about him that I felt like we knew him. Except, we didn't know his real name. She called him Buddha. He allegedly earned this name as a baby, and even at 17 had not outgrown it.
Karen is one of two people who affected my career path more than any others. She left the "jewelry store" to take a job in a far more high-end retail location with more money, more opportunity, and less warehouse dust. She told me I was the hardest worker she'd ever known in all her years, and the minute she got established, she called me in for an interview. I followed her to an anchor retail store at Somerset before any north mall or SkyWalk existed. That job funded college, a down payment on a home, and the best time of my life.
I would have never in a million years at that time thought I'd be considered for a position like that. I'd have never applied, or even asked if they were hiring. If it weren't for Karen's encouragement, I'd have spent many more early college years working in a small rectangle inside a warehouse, and my student loans today would be much bigger than they are.
I have tried to find Karen over the years, but have never been successful. I didn't stay in her department long. Not even three months. Store management offered me a job one floor upwards, which is very much a hierarchical thing in that industry. I sat with Karen and discussed what had been offered to me. I felt like I was betraying her by leaving. She told me she didn't even want to hear about it - if I didn't take that job, she'd be very disappointed. So I did, and I was glad. After two months I held the second highest sales in the department, working with people who had been doing that job for as long as 30 years.
That job taught me far more than how to sell things effectively or how to be competitive and still maintain friendships. (Which is a tedious balance in that environment.) I began to understand how people live differently in the world based on "class," culture, nationality, religion, etc. I learned about Jewish holidays, and customary gifts. I learned that you get better service running to the local mom & pop shop engraver to have something serviced than if you mail it to a larger vendor. I learned how shipping companies work. I learned a thing or two about effective displays. I learned just how bored wealthy stay-at-home moms are when they have people hired to do every job they'd traditionally do on their own.
I saw Karen here and there while working, but eventually she left for another opportunity. Unfortunately, I didn't know about it until she was already gone. I haven't seen her since, but I think of her often and hope our paths cross in the future.
Not really new news... I've been living as a statistic here...
Reality is very ugly, folks.
Source: http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-1772-Job-Search-15-Worst-States-to-Find-Work/?ArticleID=1772&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=ae752bfb3e7443c983d0ceff940c4e32-288106657-JU-5 Viewed on 16 February 2009, 1:42 p.m. EST
While many factors come into play as reason why you might not be landing a job -- the economy being the No. 1 reason to speak of -- one thing job seekers often don't think of as being a cause is the state they live in.
State unemployment rates play a huge role in whether or not you are likely to find work; the higher the unemployment rate, the more difficult it is to find a job. With today's national unemployment rate at a dismal 7.2 percent, there aren't many states with unemployment rates much less than that.
The latest numbers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics* showed six states recording rates of 9 percent or more. Overall, 10 states had significantly higher jobless rates than the average and 18 had similar rates. Michigan recorded the highest unemployment rate at 10.6 percent, followed closely by Rhode Island at 10.0 percent.
The largest numerical decrease in employment since November 2008 was in California, which lost 78,200 jobs, followed by Michigan, New York, Illinois, Indiana and North Carolina, respectively. Idaho saw the largest percentage cut in employment since December 2008 (1.6 percent), followed by Michigan, Hawaii and Indiana.
All 50 states and the District of Columbia had considerable jobless rate increases since December 2007. Rhode Island had the highest rate increase over the year (4.5 percent), followed by Arizona and Idaho (4.3 percentage points each), Michigan (4.1 percentage point each) and Indiana (3.7 percent). Nine other states and the District of Columbia recorded increases of 3 percentage points or more since December 2007 and 36 states had smaller, but still significant, increases.
Here are 15 states with unemployment rates higher than the national average and that have seen momentous rate increases since last year. If you're having trouble finding a job and you live in one of the following states, know that you might not be the (only) reason behind your unemployment:
1. Michigan ... 10.6 percent
December 2007: 7.4 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.2 percent
Mean annual salary: $42,210
2. Rhode Island ... 10.0 percent
December 2007: 5.2 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 4.8 percent
Mean annual salary: $42,210
3. South Carolina ... 9.5 percent
December 2007: 6.2 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.3 percent
Mean annual salary: $34,650
4. California ... 9.3 percent
December 2007: 5.9 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.4 percent
Mean annual salary: $45,990
5. Nevada ... 9.1 percent
December 2007: 5.2 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.9 percent
Mean annual salary: $16,750
6. Oregon ... 9.0 percent
December 2007: 5.4 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.6 percent
Mean annual salary: $40,040
7. District of Columbia ... 8.8 percent
December 2007: 5.7 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.1 percent
Mean annual salary: $64,150
8. North Carolina ... 8.7 percent
December 2007: 4.7 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 4.0 percent
Mean annual salary: $36,900
9. Florida ... 8.1 percent
December 2007: 4.5 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.6 percent
Mean annual salary: $37,260
10. Georgia ... 8.1 percent
December 2007: 4.5 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.6 percent
Mean annual salary: $38,320
11. Mississippi ... 8.0 percent
December 2007: 6.3 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 1.7 percent
Mean annual salary: $31,730
12. Tennessee ... 7.9 percent
December 2007: 5.0 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 2.9 percent
Mean annual salary: $35,380
13. Kentucky ... 7.8 percent
December 2007: 5.1 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 1.9 percent
Mean annual salary: $34,950
14. Ohio ... 7.8 percent
December 2007: 5.8 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 2.0 percent
Mean annual salary: $38,640
15. Illinois ... 7.6 percent
December 2007: 5.3 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 2.3 percent
Mean annual salary: $43,050
*According to the most recent numbers released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics on Jan. 27, 2009.
**Mean annual salary per state, according to the most recent Occupational Employment and Wage Estimates, May 2007, Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Rachel Zupek is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.
Copyright 2009 CareerBuilder.com. All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without prior written authority.
Story Filed Tuesday, January 27, 2009 - 2:48 PM
Source: http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-1772-Job-Search-15-Worst-States-to-Find-Work/?ArticleID=1772&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=ae752bfb3e7443c983d0ceff940c4e32-288106657-JU-5 Viewed on 16 February 2009, 1:42 p.m. EST
While many factors come into play as reason why you might not be landing a job -- the economy being the No. 1 reason to speak of -- one thing job seekers often don't think of as being a cause is the state they live in.
State unemployment rates play a huge role in whether or not you are likely to find work; the higher the unemployment rate, the more difficult it is to find a job. With today's national unemployment rate at a dismal 7.2 percent, there aren't many states with unemployment rates much less than that.
The latest numbers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics* showed six states recording rates of 9 percent or more. Overall, 10 states had significantly higher jobless rates than the average and 18 had similar rates. Michigan recorded the highest unemployment rate at 10.6 percent, followed closely by Rhode Island at 10.0 percent.
The largest numerical decrease in employment since November 2008 was in California, which lost 78,200 jobs, followed by Michigan, New York, Illinois, Indiana and North Carolina, respectively. Idaho saw the largest percentage cut in employment since December 2008 (1.6 percent), followed by Michigan, Hawaii and Indiana.
All 50 states and the District of Columbia had considerable jobless rate increases since December 2007. Rhode Island had the highest rate increase over the year (4.5 percent), followed by Arizona and Idaho (4.3 percentage points each), Michigan (4.1 percentage point each) and Indiana (3.7 percent). Nine other states and the District of Columbia recorded increases of 3 percentage points or more since December 2007 and 36 states had smaller, but still significant, increases.
Here are 15 states with unemployment rates higher than the national average and that have seen momentous rate increases since last year. If you're having trouble finding a job and you live in one of the following states, know that you might not be the (only) reason behind your unemployment:
1. Michigan ... 10.6 percent
December 2007: 7.4 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.2 percent
Mean annual salary: $42,210
2. Rhode Island ... 10.0 percent
December 2007: 5.2 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 4.8 percent
Mean annual salary: $42,210
3. South Carolina ... 9.5 percent
December 2007: 6.2 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.3 percent
Mean annual salary: $34,650
4. California ... 9.3 percent
December 2007: 5.9 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.4 percent
Mean annual salary: $45,990
5. Nevada ... 9.1 percent
December 2007: 5.2 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.9 percent
Mean annual salary: $16,750
6. Oregon ... 9.0 percent
December 2007: 5.4 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.6 percent
Mean annual salary: $40,040
7. District of Columbia ... 8.8 percent
December 2007: 5.7 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.1 percent
Mean annual salary: $64,150
8. North Carolina ... 8.7 percent
December 2007: 4.7 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 4.0 percent
Mean annual salary: $36,900
9. Florida ... 8.1 percent
December 2007: 4.5 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.6 percent
Mean annual salary: $37,260
10. Georgia ... 8.1 percent
December 2007: 4.5 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 3.6 percent
Mean annual salary: $38,320
11. Mississippi ... 8.0 percent
December 2007: 6.3 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 1.7 percent
Mean annual salary: $31,730
12. Tennessee ... 7.9 percent
December 2007: 5.0 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 2.9 percent
Mean annual salary: $35,380
13. Kentucky ... 7.8 percent
December 2007: 5.1 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 1.9 percent
Mean annual salary: $34,950
14. Ohio ... 7.8 percent
December 2007: 5.8 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 2.0 percent
Mean annual salary: $38,640
15. Illinois ... 7.6 percent
December 2007: 5.3 percent
Over-the-year rate change: 2.3 percent
Mean annual salary: $43,050
*According to the most recent numbers released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics on Jan. 27, 2009.
**Mean annual salary per state, according to the most recent Occupational Employment and Wage Estimates, May 2007, Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Rachel Zupek is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.
Copyright 2009 CareerBuilder.com. All rights reserved. The information contained in this article may not be published, broadcast or otherwise distributed without prior written authority.
Story Filed Tuesday, January 27, 2009 - 2:48 PM
Sunday, February 15, 2009
One of the few things I look forward to
is when people come over. I love to have a houseful. Tonight at 5, my family is coming over for dinner and birthday cake.
I also have received a nice tip on what I might do for my next career, since I'm not confident the automotive world is ever going to need me at my historic salary level, and I'm not sure I'd be willing to be a part of that ridiculousness for half the money. It's time to make a move, that's for sure. I need some time to look into this new idea - but it sounds good so far.
I also have received a nice tip on what I might do for my next career, since I'm not confident the automotive world is ever going to need me at my historic salary level, and I'm not sure I'd be willing to be a part of that ridiculousness for half the money. It's time to make a move, that's for sure. I need some time to look into this new idea - but it sounds good so far.
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